I Spoke Up

No. I will not be bitter. No. I will not hold a grudge. No. I will not be defined by what happened to me. Who said that events had the right to become titles? Who told your mistakes had to define your shape? Who said that? I don't want to be angry anymore, I don't want to feel that knot. I refuse to let the past become the lens through which I decide my future. I am light, I am salt–I am meant to be different. Why would I refuse to cuss or be addicted or abstain from any other form of "sinful" behavior and then fall into the same old patterns of the world I was redeemed from? A price was paid for me to break patterns. In fact, a road map was written so I wouldn't get lost in this new world. So I'll do that. I'll walk by faith. I'll choose to believe His mercy is new everyday. I refuse to lose hope and sulk in the pity party so many have been ready to throw for me. NO. That is not who I am, it is not who I was saved to be. When I received my...

Below is an analysis of the current stage of my life as I experience it. It's not a perfect metaphor, but I couldn't get it out of my head, so I decided to write about it. Here goes nothing: _______________________ Breaking up is like waking up when all I want to do is go back to sleep. Not just regular waking up, but it’s the kind of waking up that happens when you just had a dream where you are 100% sure you are awake and are actively getting ready for your day. Ever had one of those dreams?  You know, you see and feel yourself getting out of bed in a great mood, and in fact, you woke up super early for once and feel so well rested! You get dressed and you make yourself breakfast and then hear an obnoxious noise – your alarm goes off in the real world and you realize that none of those things actually happened. Reality check: You woke up late, your boss is calling you because you missed your morning meeting, and it’s laundry day so you have to choose ...

In the spirit of honesty and vulnerability, I want to admit that I went on an unintentional hiatus on here for a few weeks. The reason for that was because I wanted to write about my life but I could not find the words. I also couldn't find the courage to continue to speak up when my life was overtaken by busyness and a feeling like there was not enough space to breathe. But I hate using that excuse. I don't like looking at my friends and backing out of plans by stating that "Things are crazy right now" and so I can't be there for them as I would like to be. Don't get me wrong, no one loves to spend alone time and enjoy self-care more than me, but I feel like there is never a good enough reason to check out of relationships or responsibilities. Saying, "Things are crazy right now" for me usually means I have not been managing my time well, I have not been spending time with the Lord, I am stressed far beyond my regular level, and I don't feel l...

I heard this phrase: "I was born to do hard things" in a teaching this morning and suddenly it hit me, I was created for more than an ordinary life. I know we have all been told this, maybe we all have something on our walls that says "you are amazing, live amazing" (I don't know... I totally made that up), but how many of us believe it? How many of us actually lean into that feeling on the inside that says, "hey, maybe there is more to life than this." And maybe we don't want to because it feels like wanting to be great or longing for a glorious existence is not Christian or humble, but I'm beginning to understand that this feeling was placed in us by God himself. The greatness and beauty in you and me show others how great and beautiful He is, and our inability to step into that is less a testament of His power than it is a testament of our fear. And sometimes it's not even fear, it's straight up laziness. I can't tell you how...