Hypocrite

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Hypocrite: one who is satisfied with making a good impression 

Authenticity starts with me. It starts when I lay down my BS and start actually living the way I say I am living. It’s really simple it just requires effort, something many of us prefer not to expend in creating change as much as we expend it complaining about the current state of things.

Hypocrisy happens when we settle, or when we think it’s enough to give the impression that we are free or religious or holy. I regret to inform you (and me) that impressions and intentions are not enough. Not even close. There’s an old saying that states that “the path to hell is paved with good intentions,” and I dare say it’s a worse path to take there than that of simple, overt rebellion because all along you’re fooling yourself into believing that your intentions and impressions are actually getting you to heaven. They’re not. You’re literally in the same place as when you started. It’s like when you are driving somewhere where you are so confident you know where you’re going you leave your GPS behind. You drive for hours and hours, convinced your destination is just around the corner, only to discover that you have just found a really convoluted way to get nowhere.

Maybe that’s just me. I’m actually really terrible with directions. Seriously, I get lost so fast because I hardly ever pay attention to where I’m going... which has also been somewhat true of my life, especially in my walk with God. I recently realized this is part of the reason I haven’t really gone anywhere with God.  I’ve spent more of my time admiring people of faith than being a person of faith. I've spent more effort lamenting my lack of character and total immaturity than actually taking steps forward coming out of it. I fail so fast because I hardly ever care to actually aim for success. I get so caught up comparing, complaining, or dreading that my only success is survival.

Meanwhile, I'm killing my friendships with my self-centeredness, murdering my ministry with my pride, and shooting my calling with my passivity. More concerned with keeping up appearances, I learn all the right answers, rehearse the most believable excuses, and convince everyone else that I'm too busy to spend time with them. That's the key: staying busy – or at least looking busy – because when something is moving really fast you can't get a good look at it. The faster my life moves, and the less time I can spend in one place, the less likely anyone will catch the real me. And I can convince myself that I'm not faking it, that I really am just busy, and that I'm not lacking character I'm lacking rest. But my blissful ignorance is short lived when God shows up and life slaps me in the face.

Suffering, mourning, and loss cause me to slow down because they ruin the status quo. I can no longer pretend everything is okay because the truth is undeniable: I am a mess. My life as I knew it has been completely wrecked and all I have to stand on are the memories of what I had and the habits I formed while I habit. Now I have a choice, and so do you: how will we rebuild?  Will we return to the way things used to be, hoping no one noticed that we fell? (Kind of like when you fall down in a public place and get up so fast because your pride is more hurt than your body) or Will we finally turn our promises, intentions, and impressions into our reality? The wreckage around us lets us choose because no matter what happens next, we must rebuild.

This time, I chose to step up and start to live it out. I chose to leave hypocrisy in the past, which also means I chose to stop making excuses for myself. I don't think I chose the easiest option, especially when those closest to me think that they know me because they were so well acquainted to the way things used to be. They expect me to be busy, late, and to break my promises. They expect me to have really amazing reasons behind my mediocrity, but now all I have to give them is a huge "Pardon our construction dust, something new is coming" sign.. AKA one of these: 

and my hope is that in the process I can stop caring about their impressions of me and give up my career as a Manager of Expectations. My goal now is beyond that. I just want to be who Jesus paid for me to be, that he would get his money's worth in me. I just want to be the person I was so busy making everyone think I was and walk confidently as one who loves and is loved by Jesus. Is it easy? No. But is he worth it? Duh. So here's my commitment for the foreseeable future: I will walk in purity and authenticity like Sugar in the Raw: 100% real and 100% pure for the glory of our Lord Jesus Christ.

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